Yea,so im alone again yay. I hate how quickly I start to miss him. I shouldn't let myself become open like this. He still could hurt me. I must rebuild my walls! What is wrong with me. Never have I let someone get this close to me this soon. It's very unsafe of me. "Don't dare let your guard down! You know what happend last time!" but he is so nice. I'm seriously starting to think I can trust him. We have so much in common and i'm finding it so hard to keep anything from him."You hurt people thats all you capable of.Everytime someone takes the time to get close to you,you push them away. It happens everytime and you know it! save this poor guys heart and just let him go before he gets serious about you!" But i dont want to. I love being with him. He makes me feel semi complete.He makes life seem not so bleak. Why must i make myself get rid of everything comforting! I'm my best friend...my own guardian keeping everything hurtful away but on the other side im my worst enemy hiding myself from everything with good intentions. Will life continue to carry on this way? "you want it this way" Will i ever allow myself to lead a happy life "happiness is overrated you dont need it..this is who you are"
I'm spinning out of control and no stop is in sight..Oh where is the hand that will grasp my head and cease this spinning forever. Please god cease the spinning "there is no god for you.I am the hand turning you like a top.round and round until all your left with is stomach ache and a sense of unknowning.Stop trying to fight it.this is all you are"...But yet these voices never stop.So my spinning proceeds.